The Art Of Cyber Dating

Written: 6/21/99
Written By: Tammy "Tech Babe" Callaway

Like so many other men the world over, my friend Mark is looking for a woman.  Not just any woman.  The woman.  He is forever telling me about lunch and dinner dates he has had with women he has met, but not through the typical channels of blind dates or meeting in a bar, at church, grocery store, etc.  They are women with whom he has been communicating via the Internet.  Sometimes he has fun, and sometimes he does not.  Sometimes the woman is what he perceived her to be, and sometimes she is not.    Either way, the dates are not unlike any other date.  The only difference is how they met.

Searching for love over the computer may seem strange, pointless, even crazy to some people; but, for many today, it is their primary way of meeting, learning about, and deciding whether or not to pursue a desirable partner.

I must admit that I used to take great pleasure in scoffing at those who would drive or fly hundreds of miles to meet someone they knew only through words and, perhaps, pictures on a screen.  Then I met Chris.  Well, not in person.  Well, okay I did eventually meet him in person, after I flew from my home in Alabama to where he lives.  It was too far to drive, after all.  Okay, no one can, actually, drive there anyway.  You have to take a boat…or a plane.  Okay, so the man lives in Holland, are you satisfied?

I flew to Europe to meet a man neither I nor anyone in my family had ever met before, never giving much thought to the fact that my body might at some point be found in a shallow grave in Vught.  Thankfully, Chris was a very sweet man and made my first visit to Europe an amazing one. 

My point is that cyber dating is becoming much more “normal” than it used to be.  Or, perhaps, it is just becoming much more acknowledged, since any stigma that may have previously come with cyber love is continuously diminishing, as the Internet spreads into each and every corner of our lives.

I, for one, think it is great.  Now, women can sit down with curlers in their hair and bunny slippers on their feet to have a cup of java (no computer pun intended) with their favorite online guy, while men can spit, scratch themselves and wipe their noses on their shirt sleeves (preferably long-sleeved shirts) without any negative reactions from what may very well be the girl of their dreams.  Both individuals can be anyone they want to be, or they can truly be themselves and share things they would not share with anyone they had to face on a daily basis.  The question is, can they talk to one another in the same way if they meet face to face.

Actually, meeting someone you have been talking with on the computer is an interesting prospect.     You always wonder until the moment you see them if they are going to be anything like what you have imagined or anything like what you believe to be their pictures have portrayed them.  And it is, certainly, different talking with someone face to face rather than typing back and forth on a chat screen or e-mailing.  Normally shy people can become quite uninhibited when they are free to type away anonymously.  However, once they are sitting at a table across from you looking at the ceiling, the bread, the utensils…anything but you, you know you are in for the long haul.  Especially, when they answer with only one word:

“So, people say you look like Brad Pitt, huh?”

“Yes.”

“I can see that.  Of course, he has blonde hair.”

“Yes.”

“And, color aside, he does, at least, have hair.”

“Right.”

*Clearing throat*  “So, how long did it take you to get that muscular build you so adequately described?”

“Gym.”

“And how many days a week do you work out?”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry, how many minutes do you work out?”

“About five.”  At last, the long awaited two-word response!

“Oh, okay.  Well, I don’t work out all that much myself.  But you can probably see that!” *laughing at evident sarcasm*

“Yes.”

*Blood pressure reaching maximum levels*

Then, of course, there is the loquacious young man who cannot be described here, as it would, obviously, take up too much space.  At any rate, people that you chat with are not, necessarily, all that they seem.  I, on the other hand, have had great success with the three men I have met in person after communicating with them over the computer.  Though Chris was the only romantic involvement I had, the other two were very nice and friendly, and I continue to develop a deeper friendship with one of them.  His name is Mark. ;)  Speaking of him, I just received an ICQ message from him telling me that he met a wonderful new girl…at church, of all places.  What an old-fashioned guy. ;)

Tammy

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Associate Editor Tammy "Tech Babe" Callaway was first runner-up in the Miss Alabama Pageant in 1993. She has  written and published a book on three easy steps for students to follow in order to get into the college of their choice AND have someone else pay for it. She also corresponds regularly with former President George Bush on foreign diplomacy issues. 

Now if you believe all that, I have a wall in China to sell you. :-) She does hold a degree in Communications, and is, currently, taking courses toward her Master's Degree in Literature however. You can visit Tammy's home page right here. Emails to Tammy should be sent to techbabe@thetechzone.com